Kudos to Target. Now church, it's your turn. {a repost from January 2012}

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A post I read at the start of this week has gone viral in the disability community, and I love it: Target is 'Down' With Down Syndrome: 5 Things Target Said By Saying Nothing At All. Rick, who is probably known better by now as Noah's Dad, shared the picture below from Target's weekend ad. Notice the handsome fellow named Ryan on the far left.


Ryan has appeared in Nordstrom's ads and others, and like Rick, I am pleased to see Ryan's face alongside kids without Down syndrome instead of sequestered into an ad of just kids with special needs, as is often the case. Target included Ryan, but they didn't make a big deal out of it. Their lack of words said more than anything else could have, including that kids with Down syndrome are kids first and that inclusion isn't a big deal but that exclusion would be.

To put it into roughly sketched pictures, Target said we're not going to work with these buckets


because kids with special needs are kids too. In fact, they're kids first, with disability as just one characteristic, like hair color or slinky preference. Separating their ads into the two categories above would make as much sense as doing using the ones below.


 Instead, Target just advertises clothing to kids, in all their diversity.


Now how about us? Consider the areas of your church that display what you care about. Does the bulletin board with children's ministry pictures or the section of your website devoted to family ministry include the faces of those with special needs? Or do you just include those pictures in areas that are specific to special needs? 

Of course, that's not the only sign of how you view people, just like this past Sunday's Target ad isn't the only sign of that company's inclusion of kids with special needs. It is a good indicator though, isn't it?

Is this your church, in which people can only fit in one bucket?


Or do you acknowledge that we are all the church, made richer because of - and not in spite of - our God-given diversity?


I know I didn't include every people group or ministry area in the graphic above, but I think you get the idea. If we're the church God designed us to be, we won't create divisions by ability or disability, choosing instead to "...walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:2-3, emphasis mine).

P.S. Sketching might not be my strong suit, but my four-year-old daughter recognized that the pictures above were buckets, and that's good enough for me. 

the media is speaking about about HIV discrimination. can I get a hallelujah?

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Yesterday, I saw a blip on my FB feed about ex-NBA guy Sterling sticking his other foot in his mouth during his I'm-not-a-racist interview with Anderson Cooper.

And I sighed.

I sighed because the blip mentioned Magic Johnson, and I guessed that Sterling's newest comments were anti-HIV rather than anti-black. I sighed because I suspected that all the people who spoke out about racism with Sterling's initial comments would just gloss over the HIV discrimination, considering that sort of slur to be okay.

I was wrong.

The ruckus probably wouldn't have been so great if it weren't riding the coattails of a bigger story, but major news outlets are talking about HIV discrimination. Granted, a Google search for "HIV Sterling" only comes up with a fraction of the results you get when searching "racist Sterling," but I'll take it.

I meet adoptive families with HIV+ kids all. the. time.

Why? Because, as one of the rare families who is open about our child's HIV status, they seek us out. Unlike families whose children have cerebral palsy or epilepsy, the diagnoses of two of our other children, HIV families usually stay quiet. From my experience in person with these families and online in private forums, I'd guess that 80% keep the diagnosis a secret from most - or even all - of their family and friends. They know HIV ignorance and the resulting discrimination are real, even though the risk of contracting it from our kids isn't, and they keep quiet to protect their loved ones.

It's sweet for our kids to know each other, to know that HIV is something other kids have, to know that their diagnosis isn't shameful and doesn't define them as individuals.

To know that - whether the news acknowledges it or not - comments like Sterling's are just plain ignorant and mean.

Let me pause for a moment to answer the question that might be bouncing around your head: isn't it different, though, for my child who was born with HIV by no choice of his/her own and for Magic Johnson and others who acquired HIV through lifestyle choices?

 In a word, no. Say what?!? Here's the thing: None of us are without sin, and while your life's consequences might not include HIV, it wouldn't be right or fair or loving to dismiss you because of your past mistakes and whatever resulted from those. So, please, before you defend HIV discrimination for someone who chose the action that led to HIV, just stop. Because regardless of how the virus was contracted, I can promise you this: no one purposefully chooses HIV.

 And no one deserves discrimination as a result of an HIV status they can't change now.

Now, back to Sterling's comments and the media attention around them...

From USA Today:
An interview that was supposed to be an attempt at rehabilitation instead had Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling facing fresh rebukes as he went from apologizing for recent racist remarks to slamming Magic Johnson, repeatedly bringing up the ex-NBA star's HIV status and calling him an unfit role model for children. 
In a headline from The Washington Post:
Donald Sterling: Magic Johnson ‘should be ashamed of himself’ for having HIV  
From Sports Illustrated:
Disgraced Clippers owner Donald Sterling launched into an extended tirade against Magic Johnson in an interview with CNN, saying that the Lakers legend should be “ashamed” of being HIV-positive and suggesting that he hasn’t financially supported minority communities.  
From CNN:
In a conference call, Clippers Coach Doc Rivers said of Sterling's comments, "That doesn't sound like much of an apology to me."
I hate to give any more publicity to this whole Sterling mess, but I wanted to write this post to publicly say WELL DONE! to media outlets for not just ignoring HIV discrimination. If they had skimmed over it, they would be saying, "Race, don't you dare discriminate! But HIV? Go ahead." But they didn't.

As the mama of a kid who is too young to care about Sterling's comments yet, this makes me smile and gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, society won't be so hard on my child due to a completely manageable health condition.


~+~
I wrote this article before I realized that today a story about our family - and HIV discrimination - would go live on the Today show's website. Here 'tis. A few details are amiss, but the basics are accurate... especially the part at the end about our hope that the friends who have reacted in fear to our child's HIV would have a change of heart because we love them, no matter what.

Including kids with disability in youth ministry: An opportunity or an inconvenience?

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This was originally published in the Inquest Ministries, Inc. newsletter and on their blog. It was written for an audience primarily of youth ministry leaders, many of whom are not currently involved in special needs ministry.


Do you have teens with special needs in your ministry?

Odds are yes, given that 6.6 million children and youth have disabilities, according to the most recent data available from the U.S. Department of Education. Of those, 2.6 million have learning disabilities. More than 800,000 have autism or intellectual disabilities (previously referred to as “mental retardation”).[1] Seven percent of children ages 3-17 have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD (including 11% of boys and 4% of girls).[2] And in 2011, one in 110 eight-year-olds had an autism spectrum disorder (1 in 70 for boys, 1 in 315 for girls)[3], and while the incidence has increased since then, I think the 2011 stats are most helpful for a youth ministry perspective because those were the rates for eight year olds then which means they are the rates, roughly, for the 11 year old kids in student ministries now.

Those certainly don’t include all the possible special needs a student could have, but it’s a start. This is the reality in which we do ministry. (And, if your ministry doesn’t include any students with special needs, then please let these statistics open your eyes to the mission field that exists within your community!)

So what can you do? Is this an opportunity or an inconvenience?

Well, let’s consider the benefits you and your ministry can gain from welcoming students with special needs. You’ll get to…

1) Partner with parents more effectively. In student ministry, we ought to be partnering with every parent, but it shifts from “ought to be partnering” to “must partner” with the parents of students with special needs. If a student has a disability, it is harder for parents to drop off the child and then bolt. They’ll probably want to talk to you. And that’s a very good thing!

2) Practice confidentiality. Most students don’t want to be different from everyone else, or if they do, they want to define the difference. A streak of color in their hair? Good different. A seat in special education? Not the sort of different they usually want shared with their friends.

3) Learn humility. I have my master’s degree in special education, but that doesn’t give me the advantage in special needs ministry that you might expect. I learn from each of our students with special needs and their families, because they can teach me far more about their disabilities and challenges than any textbook or website ever could. Realizing you don’t know it all and having to learn from others? That’s an opportunity to develop humility.

4) Adjust your teaching to benefit all students. Common modifications for students with special needs include limiting distractions, adding multi-sensory elements (visuals, audio, movement, touch), and breaking content into chunks and reviewing after each one. Every time I’ve made accommodations for students with disabilities, they have also helped non-disabled students. Seriously, what middle school boy wouldn’t benefit from fewer distractions?

5) Include all parts of the body of Christ. Ministering to and with students with disabilities shows that, in the words of 1 Corinthians 12:24-25, “God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.” It’s our sin that bestows honor on some while rejecting others; it’s God who can bring unity where we – both in the church and outside of it – have created division.

And the number one benefit? Welcoming individuals with disabilities into our student ministries and every other aspect of the church is about the gospel. It's about the truth that our faith isn't accomplished by our own abilities or disabilities but by the sovereign will of God, purchased by the sacrifice of Christ and sealed by the Spirit. When we share that gospel with all students, including those with disabilities, it changes us and it changes them. It can change a generation.

Is it always easy to include students with special needs in your ministry? No. Is it an unequivocal display of the works of God (John 9:3; Psalm 78:7) and the value of all life? Yes.

It’s an opportunity, not an inconvenience.

Excluding people with special needs is one symptom of a much larger problem

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{This post originally appeared on this blog in May 2011.}


Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
{Hebrews 12:1-3, ESV}

One thing has struck me recently: The failure of the church to include people with disabilities isn't the problem. It's a symptom of a larger problem.

The problem is not that we don't love people with disabilities.

The problem is that we don't love Jesus. 

If we truly loved Him, then we wouldn't be relying on our own love to welcome people with disabilities and others who we often marginalize. Our hearts would be so fixated on Jesus that His love would overflow from us, spilling over to everyone else we encounter.

We wouldn't need Autism Awareness Month, because we would love people with autism enough to want to be aware of what life is like for them. We would love them enough to do life with them and run the race with them, aware of their realities.

We wouldn't need Mother's Day, because we would show His love to our mothers every day, as well as to the women for whom Mother's Day can be difficult. We would love them enough to know them and to want to serve them.

What is hindering you from loving Jesus fully and letting His love overflow in your life? Whatever it is, it's sin. Even if it's something good, if you let it keep you from loving God, then it has become a hindrance that is entangling you.

Examine your heart, and repent. 

And love Him.

"Jocelyn, do you think Robbie is going to die?": on considering a different perspective

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This post original appeared on this blog in September 2011, back when I had two children instead of our current six and back when my oldest was just four years old. While she's seven now, you can still find her in a princess costume at 6:00 some nights.


Two nights ago, my husband was cleaning the kitchen, I was taking a bubble bath (yes, my man serves me well!), and the kids were playing ... that is, until my son sliced two of his toes. Thankfully, we didn't have to visit the ER or urgent care, but I thought we were destined for one until the bleeding slowed.

Our master bath looked like a horror scene, and I have to say that it's a good thing I was already planning to replace the rugs in there. Robbie didn't want us to touch his foot, and we couldn't convince him in his two-year-old logic that pressure would help and that a bandage was necessary. Eventually he allowed it, but only after he asked for bandaids on his knee, ankle, and right big toe ... none of which had any cuts or booboos. As I put bandaids in places where he didn't need them, I gained his trust to put them where he did need them.

(I think there's probably a lesson there about building trust with families in need at church, but you can go ahead and draw that lesson out, because I'm taking this a different direction.)

As we cleaned him up and fixed him up, my daughter stood in the doorway of the bathroom. My husband, concerned that she would get blood on her princess costume (aren't all four-year-old girls in princess costumes at 6:00pm?), asked her to go to her room. She hesitated, and I saw something in her eyes that made me pause as well.

"Jocelyn, do you think Robbie is going to die?" I asked quietly.

She nodded slowly, her gray eyes large and brimming with tears. Bless her heart. She had never seen more than a single drop of blood before, so she drew her own conclusions.

We assured her that Robbie wasn't dying, and Lee found a clean place she could stay in the bathroom while she comforted her brother and we comforted her. But if I hadn't noticed that look in her eyes when Lee asked her to go to her room and realized the fear in her perspective, we would have sent an anxious girl to her room where she would have thought she was waiting alone for her brother to die.

Many people with disabilities aren't familiar with church because churches haven't had a great track record for  welcoming them. As such, we need to be willing to consider their perspectives. What regular activities that are common to us might seem odd to them, such as communion, baptism, or even just the cues to sit and stand at various points during the worship service? What words are mystifying, such as grace, mercy, triune, or hallelujah? What phrases could be confusing to someone who thinks more literally, as some people with disabilities do; would "invite Jesus into your heart" (which is a phrase I think we all should retire, but that's a post for a different day) or "pass the peace" make sense to them?

If you're a ministry leader or someone who has attended church for at least a few years, you may have trouble considering the perspective of someone who hasn't entered a church in years. Or maybe you know your specific church so well that you forget what aspects of it could all be strange to newcomers. For example, my church doesn't look like a church because it was once a hotel building; I'm used to that, but it is a little weird.

Ask God to open your eyes to consider what church is like from someone else's perspective. He knows their perspectives already, and His perspective is invaluable.