when the blog is on the backburner until HuffPo links to it

/
I haven't forgotten about this space, despite all evidence to the contrary. Promise.

But between prep for Zoe's surgery, then Zoe's surgery, and then recovery from all that, with a little public school preschool special ed drama in the mix (short version: still not sure where Zoe is landing there, but WCPSS is working with us on that), life has been too full for the blog to be tended. 

No apologies there. 

But I do have a few disjointed bits I'd like to share... first, a lot of new readers have been asking about Zoe's surgery because that was my last post and because The Huffington Post included our family in a recent adoption picture feature, along with a link over here. (Side note: Hi, new friends! Welcome.) I'll be writing a post about the surgery, but here's the Cliff's Notes:
  • surgery: good.
  • initial recovery: terrible.
  • support from sweet friends and strangers in STL: amazing & sustaining.
  • longer-term recovery phase we're in: busy with lots of therapy, but good.
  • Zoe's attitude about it all now: good.

After her surgery came some acute upper respiratory issues for me (read: my exhausted body gave up for a bit to recover from it all) and Patu (read: she's a cute little asthmatic), the state fair, Halloween, and now we're in the deep of the school issues I mentioned above. Life is busy but good.

My blogging efforts haven't been getting rusty, though. They've just been elsewhere. Over at Key Ministry's main blog site, I've been sharing about ways the church can love and support adoptive and foster families well. I'll end this somewhat disjointed post with links to each of those posts...

I never planned to have a large family. I never expected to have six children from three continents. I would have laughed in your face had you told me we would adopt four children from two countries in less than 18 months.
The four kinds of special needs found among children in adoptive and foster families
Special needs in church are anything that can hinder a child or family from full inclusion in YOUR church.
Five ways the church can love and support adoptive and foster families well...
(1) Avoid treating us like idols.
We’re human. We struggle. And when we’re up on a pedestal that others have built for us, we’re set apart from the rest of the community. That’s not what God’s design is for the church.
(2) Become trauma- and attachment-informed.
Can there be beauty there? YES! But is it borne out of hard places? YES! God calls us to care for unparented children, so we should be willing to say, “Here I am, Lord, send me,” but we aren’t serving anyone well if families dive in after being presented with a glamourized version of the realities of adoption and foster care.
(3) Partner with us.
When adoption, foster care, orphans, or the fatherless are talked about in your church, be mindful that you are describing people not abstract concepts. If you would change your words if you knew a former or present foster child, orphan, or other unparented child was in your congregation, then choose different words.
(4) Let our kids be kids.
They might have been called an orphan in the past, but they’re not orphans anymore... they are kids, first and foremost.
(5) Be willing to listen and learn.
Adoption can be hard, and adoption can be beautiful. No matter how hard adoption or foster care is, though, when the church commits to loving adoptive and foster families by listening to and learning from us no matter what our circumstances might be, that’s always an act of beauty.
When saying yes is scary
But you’re not alone. As you say yes, even to families who have diagnoses that might be on that list of ones that scare you, you might need some help. That’s what Key Ministry is here for. We offer a free consultation service for churches, and I’m one of those consultants who is glad to help you figure out how to say yes and keep saying yes. Because sometimes hard things can paralyze us so that we don’t know what the first step should be. And if that’s where you are in your desire to say yes to families affected by disability, including but not limited to adoptive and foster families, then we would love to come alongside you. It’s what we do.
I love adoption, but...
Please, church leaders and friends, be careful how you portray adoption and foster care. Especially in front of my children, who – like most kids – don’t want to be singled out as different or as being or having been needy at some point in their lives. Especially to other people in our church who while well intentioned might not be prepared or equipped to say yes to adoption or foster care, maybe not ever or maybe just not yet. Especially when so many Christian messages imply or outright present adoptive parents as the savior when we have only one Savior (and it’s not us).