Fridays from the Families: A mom who says she would have aborted if she knew her child would have special needs (UPDATE ADDED)
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I know I have several new readers this week, so - as a quick note of explanation - most Fridays I either feature a guest post here from someone who has a disability or a family member with a disability or I link to posts like that. Why? Well, I've found that most churches that exclude people with disabilities aren't mean or malicious or heartless. They're just ignorant or unsure of where to start. Hearing from the families helps demystify disability for church leaders. (Here's the page with links to all of my Fridays from the Families posts if you want to check them out.)
Some days the post is positive, but today isn't one of those days. Today I'm asking you to pray as you read this post and its comments: A Mom Says She Would Have Aborted Her Child with Special Needs. Even though the mom admits that her three-year-old son's life has value, she also says she doesn't think it's fair for him to have to live with his daily hardships.
Ellen from Love That Max is the writer of this post, and she's not a Christian nor is she pro-life. While she seems to be disturbed by the mother's comments, she admits that she doesn't know what she would have done if she had the option to abort her son with special needs before she had met him. Now that she knows him, he loves him and is completely thankful for his life; before his birth, though, she admits that the fear of the unknown could have overwhelmed her if the diagnosis had come prenatally. She writes, "Having a child with disabilities can seem like a terrible fate…until you have a child with special needs."
I think this is how many church leaders feel about disability ministry. Welcoming people with disabilities can seem like a lot of work without much return ... until you begin to do it and realize how incomplete your church body was before you included people with special needs. (Even then, it can still be a lot of work at times!) According to 1 Corinthians 12, we are incomplete without all our parts.
Pray for those churches. Pray for the boy at the center of this story - his name is Bryan and he's almost three - whose mom has now gone on court record stating that she wished she knew about his disability before he was born so she could have aborted him. Pray for the commenters who offer a range of perspectives. One states that he would abort a child if he knew that the baby would have the same disability that his brother has, sharing
And, when that community is established and the church truly loves those with disabilities, perhaps more families will see that life is a viable option for a pre-born child with a disability as they see that the church is ready and willing to walk that road with them. It isn't easy, but God provides a model for us in the early church of a body of believers who were willing to go to great lengths to care for each others' needs. Let's show the grace and love we've received from Christ to one another like the Acts 2 church did.
Some days the post is positive, but today isn't one of those days. Today I'm asking you to pray as you read this post and its comments: A Mom Says She Would Have Aborted Her Child with Special Needs. Even though the mom admits that her three-year-old son's life has value, she also says she doesn't think it's fair for him to have to live with his daily hardships.
Ellen from Love That Max is the writer of this post, and she's not a Christian nor is she pro-life. While she seems to be disturbed by the mother's comments, she admits that she doesn't know what she would have done if she had the option to abort her son with special needs before she had met him. Now that she knows him, he loves him and is completely thankful for his life; before his birth, though, she admits that the fear of the unknown could have overwhelmed her if the diagnosis had come prenatally. She writes, "Having a child with disabilities can seem like a terrible fate…until you have a child with special needs."
I think this is how many church leaders feel about disability ministry. Welcoming people with disabilities can seem like a lot of work without much return ... until you begin to do it and realize how incomplete your church body was before you included people with special needs. (Even then, it can still be a lot of work at times!) According to 1 Corinthians 12, we are incomplete without all our parts.
Pray for those churches. Pray for the boy at the center of this story - his name is Bryan and he's almost three - whose mom has now gone on court record stating that she wished she knew about his disability before he was born so she could have aborted him. Pray for the commenters who offer a range of perspectives. One states that he would abort a child if he knew that the baby would have the same disability that his brother has, sharing
I simply don’t think I would want anyone to go through the same experiences that my family went through. I wouldn’t want to allow any child to have to go through the pain, suffering and other difficulties that a disability creates. Likewise I wouldn’t want any family to have to the make sacrifices that you necessarily and willing make when a family member is disabled.Another wrote
I understand what she’s saying because I did have a right NT scan at my 10 week ultrasound. I had a cvs to determine his genetics. Turns out no downsyndrom however he might still have heart problems. If my testing had come back positive for ds we wouldv terminated the pregnancy. I can’t see purposely bringing a human into the world who would always have medical problems. I know I’m not strong enuf to handle it. I know to some of u it sounds weak but after a ton of research I just couldn’t do that to a child of mine. I already have one son who is perfectly healthy and it wouldn’t be fair to him or the other child to live their lives like that if its avoidable.Yet another says
It’s so hard to know what you would have done had you known. I hate to say it, but if we had been told our child was going to have autism, I probably wouldn’t have gone to term with the pregnancy. I’d like to think I would have had my son anyway, and that knowing he had autism would have benefited him because we could have started therapy right away…who knows? I know I love him and I wouldn’t trade him for the world though.That last sentence is promising. Before she met him, she says she would have aborted if she knew about his autism; now that he's in her life, she loves him and wouldn't trade him for the world. I'm praying that God would allow his people to interact with those with special needs so we can all have that same before/after transformation as God changes our hearts in a true community of unified diversity.
And, when that community is established and the church truly loves those with disabilities, perhaps more families will see that life is a viable option for a pre-born child with a disability as they see that the church is ready and willing to walk that road with them. It isn't easy, but God provides a model for us in the early church of a body of believers who were willing to go to great lengths to care for each others' needs. Let's show the grace and love we've received from Christ to one another like the Acts 2 church did.
And all who believed were together and had all things in common.
And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people.
And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.
Acts 2:44-47
Update: Later on the day I posted this, the court found in the mother's favor; read about it here. She and her husband were awarded $4.5 million dollars. Here are some quick prayer points to take from this:
- Pray for their son, Bryan, who will one day learn that his care was paid for because his mother told a room full of people that she wished she hadn't given birth to him.
- Pray for everyone involved in the case, from the parents to the ultrasound technicians.
- Pray that this wouldn't encourage other doctors to recommend for abortion to avoid similar malpractice cases.
- And pray for the church to rise up and take a stand in love with people with disabilities. If we do nothing, then we let the world define the worth of individuals with special needs. And this is what the world is saying.