Fridays from the Families: Trying church again
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I came across this post on the blog autism (and other stuff), and Laurie agreed to let me repost it here. She and her husband have two sons, one with autism and one without, and I love what she writes in her about me section: "Autism does not define me as a person or parent, but has sent me on some unexpected road trips." She has shared a couple encouraging updates with me about how her family is doing at church since she posted this, so this has a happy ending! Read on...
There are many reasons that attending church with our children has not been the best fit for us in the past. The bright lights of the sanctuary, the booming voice of the pastor, even the choir and the number of people walking in the hallways were more than our oldest son could bear (Not to mention the unkind sneers and whispers that we tried to ignore, but sometimes couldn't).
We have tried mellow services, alternative day services, contemporary services and bible schools. Most attempts have lead to serious meltdowns either before, during, or after the service...OR all of the above! (More than once I have had to explain why their is a child, running down the aisle, covering his ears and yelling, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Some people were kind and others were, well, not-so-kind. Sad.)
Some families with children who have autism already feel isolated from society for various reasons. For us, we were a young military family when our son was diagnosed and had just transitioned to a new city; needless to say it was tough and we NEEDED the support that a great church could have offered us. Unfortunately, our experiences were such that, whether out of exhaustion, self-protection or ignorance, we had decided for many years that going to church would not be an option for us...until last night!
I saw the invitation sign in front of the church that welcomed families to their Vacation Bible School program. Fleetingly, my mind went to a place that this could be a fun experience that might help the boys to meet new friends. I decided, for the hey of it, to complete an on-line registration and began to talk about "trying it" to test my son's reaction.
Amazingly, both boys sounded excited! Crazy! Although our oldest appeared super anxious in the hours before we left, we worked through our day and he ACTUALLY WENT WILLINGLY! (Our last Bible School episode consisted of crying and clinging and needless to say, I was a permanent fixture on the pew for the entire week.)
We stayed in the lobby for while last night and chit-chatted with some of the staff, all the while listening for signs of distress. It never happened. When we picked our oldest up, we noticed he was anxiously scanning the the sanctuary to find us. When I approached him, his body was tightly wound and he yelled "What the freak!!!" three times, but no one skipped a beat to look in our direction. Thank God!
The woman who was leading our oldest son's group smiled and said he did fine. SCORE! She went on to say, " He was answering questions very honestly!" Hmmm...He is very honest; sometimes TOO honest. (I'm probably better off to not know what he said and take the fact that he enjoyed most of his experience as a gift!! Almost certainly there was talk of zombies and possibly demons; he likes to get a rise out of his audience.)
The take away for us is that we CAN attend church again! Our oldest may have his moments, but, at this point, the good definitely outweighs the bad. Attending a regular church that is supportive of our families' needs is so important for many reasons. As I said above, families with children who have autism can often feel isolated. How many friends have you lost since finding out your child has autism? A few for me, sadly. So this, this, is HUGE for us!!
What are your thoughts and experiences with attending religious services in regards to your child who is on the autism spectrum? What challenges or supports have you encountered?
There are many reasons that attending church with our children has not been the best fit for us in the past. The bright lights of the sanctuary, the booming voice of the pastor, even the choir and the number of people walking in the hallways were more than our oldest son could bear (Not to mention the unkind sneers and whispers that we tried to ignore, but sometimes couldn't).
We have tried mellow services, alternative day services, contemporary services and bible schools. Most attempts have lead to serious meltdowns either before, during, or after the service...OR all of the above! (More than once I have had to explain why their is a child, running down the aisle, covering his ears and yelling, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Some people were kind and others were, well, not-so-kind. Sad.)
Some families with children who have autism already feel isolated from society for various reasons. For us, we were a young military family when our son was diagnosed and had just transitioned to a new city; needless to say it was tough and we NEEDED the support that a great church could have offered us. Unfortunately, our experiences were such that, whether out of exhaustion, self-protection or ignorance, we had decided for many years that going to church would not be an option for us...until last night!
I saw the invitation sign in front of the church that welcomed families to their Vacation Bible School program. Fleetingly, my mind went to a place that this could be a fun experience that might help the boys to meet new friends. I decided, for the hey of it, to complete an on-line registration and began to talk about "trying it" to test my son's reaction.
Amazingly, both boys sounded excited! Crazy! Although our oldest appeared super anxious in the hours before we left, we worked through our day and he ACTUALLY WENT WILLINGLY! (Our last Bible School episode consisted of crying and clinging and needless to say, I was a permanent fixture on the pew for the entire week.)
We stayed in the lobby for while last night and chit-chatted with some of the staff, all the while listening for signs of distress. It never happened. When we picked our oldest up, we noticed he was anxiously scanning the the sanctuary to find us. When I approached him, his body was tightly wound and he yelled "What the freak!!!" three times, but no one skipped a beat to look in our direction. Thank God!
The woman who was leading our oldest son's group smiled and said he did fine. SCORE! She went on to say, " He was answering questions very honestly!" Hmmm...He is very honest; sometimes TOO honest. (I'm probably better off to not know what he said and take the fact that he enjoyed most of his experience as a gift!! Almost certainly there was talk of zombies and possibly demons; he likes to get a rise out of his audience.)
The take away for us is that we CAN attend church again! Our oldest may have his moments, but, at this point, the good definitely outweighs the bad. Attending a regular church that is supportive of our families' needs is so important for many reasons. As I said above, families with children who have autism can often feel isolated. How many friends have you lost since finding out your child has autism? A few for me, sadly. So this, this, is HUGE for us!!
What are your thoughts and experiences with attending religious services in regards to your child who is on the autism spectrum? What challenges or supports have you encountered?