show grace.

For church leaders, that means you shouldn't make assumptions about families or judgments about parenting.

For people with disabilities and their family members and friends, that means you shouldn't be too quick to presume that the staff and/or volunteers at a particular church don't care, won't be welcoming, or don't want to be helpful.

For all of us, remember the grace you have received from Christ. You didn't deserve it. Show that same grace to others, whether or not you think they deserve it.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

Matthew 5:7

Let your speech always jbe gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person

Colossians 4:6

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

Ephesians 4:1-6

But what if our special needs ministry is different from yours?

Whenever I get the opportunity to talk with other church leaders about special needs ministry - as I did several times this weekend at the Connecting Church & Home conference in Louisville, KY - the conversation usually involves lots of questions about what we're doing at Providence. I answer the questions, but I try to do so with this caution:

What we're doing works at Providence. We make choices based on our own church needs, culture, and dynamic. What we do won't be the same as what you do.

I don't know if it's pride or just a love for answers (which is a form of idolatry, if we're really honest with ourselves), but it's hard to send someone away without giving them a plan, especially if they have come to me asking for one: "What do we do?" "How can we start?" "How can we deal with our current circumstances?"

Truth is this: I can't answer those questions. I'll try to offer practical advice by asking questions to learn more about your church, but I can't give you a foolproof answer for what will work at your church.

Most churches start with disability ministry in children's ministry. It's more rare to start with adults - which is what Providence did ten years ago - but that happens too. Many churches provide respite events to give parents the gift of time, and others provide support groups. Some connect with outside organizations to provide family retreats. Some group most kids with special needs into separate classes, while others practice inclusion and still others have a mix. Some churches feel called to reach out to those with more obvious special needs while others are drawn to more hidden ones. 

Here's my point: There is no perfect model. 

Think about the churches you've been a part of, and think about the Bible-preaching churches in your town. They aren't identical. The leaders in two different churches can be faithfully serving and depending on Christ, but the churches may look dissimilar. That's okay. 

Think about Christ. As we read through Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, we see that Jesus doesn't respond the same way in every circumstance. He sees the needs and loves the people, which means he doesn't follow a formula for his behavior.

What if our special needs ministry is different from yours? Great! I would be concerned that you were ignoring the needs and dynamic at your church if you were simply trying to replicate our model at your church.

Weekly round-up {8/29/11}

Happy Monday! The last week included feeling the house shake from the Virginia earthquake, prepping for the impact from Hurricane Irene (which was minimal for us, as we pray for those who were hit harder), and participating in the Connecting Church and Home conference in Louisville, Kentucky. While God taught me a lot from each of the circumstances from the past week, I'm looking forward to a quieter and calmer week.

The Gospel and the Oncology Waiting Room: This thoughtful article by Mike Pohlman was a good reminder for me that God's glory is evident in oncology waiting rooms and in other places in which we're face to face with the truths that, "He gives us life and breath and all things, and, therefore, we are utterly dependent creatures; that sin is real and has a million tragic consequences; that pride is ridiculously ugly and meekness wonderfully beautiful; that we are called to rejoice with those who are rejoicing and weep with those who are weeping; that people are either saved or lost; that God’s grace is real, His Son all-sufficient, and through the cross, cancer will one day be no more."

'Deselecting' our children: This article made me want to vomit, beginning with the first paragraph. It describes exulting Danish headlines that declare success in efforts to create "a Down syndrome-free perfect society." This, my friends, is why the church needs to be speaking up in Denmark and here and everywhere else. People with disabilities were created by God and matter to God; the gospel is just as relevant and vital to their lives as ours. Killing babies with disabilities does not make a "perfect society" but rather a warped ones.

From a blog post on Kamping with Autism: "On the other end, where he has a high tolerance for pain, he is VERY sensitive to light and sound. At church there are florecent lights everywhere and Kamp is constantly trying to turn off the lights, which really helps the kids stay reverent. He does this because he can see the constant flicker of the lights. Often, flickers that ”normal” people don’t notice until the bulb is about to go out. We also suspect he can hear the slight hum, again, something most of us don’t hear. He hates when the organ at church is turned on and can’t stand stores that have bright colors. He trys to leave, or just screams until we take him out. When he is bombarded by these things, he goes into sensory overload and – more often than not – it usually ends up in a melt down. He feels REAL physical pain; something I’m just beginning to understand; it must be horrible to have to fight these things every day of his life."

Appropriate Language about People with Disabilities: Best ministry-related post I've seen on this topic!

Sensory What? A post from Jackie Mills-Fernald about how we can support kids in church settings who have sensory dysfunction disorders.

And, to close, news bits about faith groups doing life with people who have special needs:

• a Roman Catholic school raising money for autism
• a community weekend, including churches, to celebrate people with disabilities
• a church that partners with a local autism and behavioral health center

Practical ideas we'll be using this fall

Have you discovered Pinterest? It's a website that allows you to organize pictures from around the web on your own pinboards, linking back to the original page so you can explore the picture, idea, or concept more fully. I have a variety of boards - related to home decor, crafts, book, quotes, recipes and more - but the one I'm pulling from today is my "To Include" board. I've provided all of the original links, but if you want to see the whole pinboard, go here. (And if you need an invite to join Pinterest, leave your email in a comment below or email me at shannon@theworksofgoddisplayed.com!)

I love this sponge Jenga game. (Go here for the source, which includes instructions and other ideas for these little sponge blocks.) I love it for special needs ministry because it won't make a racket when it falls (which could be unpleasant or even painful for someone with sensory processing difficulties) and because they can't hurt others if thrown (which is a behavior we've seen in some of our kids).

Has anyone used one of these Ikea chairs in a special needs setting? The cover can close to create a personal, private space. And it's only $80.

Here's another sponge activity for you - could play with these dry or wet! I love cheap and easy sensory toys. Here's the original post that explains how to make them.

Yep, that's bubble wrap, spray-painted with stencils and held in place with double-sided tape. Fun sensory play for active friends, found here!

And while the ideas above are fun, my favorite "pins" so far are a variety of sensory box ideas. We're going to make some of these in clear bins with covers and keep them in our supply closet to rotate through as needed. Keep in mind whenever making or using these that supervision is necessary (it doesn't take long for a bean or other small item to go in a mouth, nose, or ear! or for the whole bin to be dumped out, making a mess) and that allergies must be considered (for example, one box I saw used hay pieces; I would find an alternative item to use that isn't allergenic). 

a gardening sensory bin with beans, shovels, pots, and fake flowers; found here

a transportation-themed sensory bin, found here (and, if you're interested in more, this site has a TON of other sensory bin ideas as well; she makes one each month for her son)

an idea (from the same site as above) of making a card of items to find in a sensory bin! keep it with the bin, and you have a sensory bin + I Spy activity

a farm-themed bin, found here, and ...

...another farm one, found here

a "butterfly" sensory tub made with pasta! great idea from here

And I'll end with this, found on Pinterest and pinned from the sidebar of this site:

Ain't that true for all of us?

Interview time with Jocelyn

Because I want to be like Jenelle when I grow up (or, um, something like that) and because she posted this and because I loved it the last time I did it, it's interview time again...


What's your name? "Jocelyn, remember?"


How old are you? "Four. [pause] Mom, you know this stuff. What are you doing?"


What are you wearing right now? "A dress that is a nightgown sometimes too." (That's true. Sometimes she wears it as a dress, but sometimes she sleeps in it.)


What is your favorite…

• Food? "Hot dogs. And ramen with a little water in it and sauce in the ramen."
• Cereal? "Hmm, let me think ... pink squares! 'Cause that's a kind of cereal. Really, Mommy, it is. We just ate it a long time ago and that's why you don't remember." (I have no idea what she's talking about.)
• TV Show? "I have a lot of favorites. My favorite is Arthur, Calliou, and Curious George, and the last one ... uh ... CyberChase."
• Movie? "All my princess movies and The Incredibles."
• Book? "All of my books in my room." (Yes, she is her mother's daughter. I can never answer that either.)
• Song? "All the songs I know and can sing. Like Twinkle Twinkle, Rock-A-Bye Baby, and Lord, Compare Me." (Hmm, maybe we need to articulate the words to Sanctuary a little better: "Lord, prepare me/to be a sanctuary...")
• Thing to do at home? "Have friends over and play in the backyard with them and play with the bubble machine." 
• Color? "Pink and purple and orange and yellow."
• Toy? "All of my toys."
• Disney princess? "I don't know because all of them are my favorites so I don't know."
• Fast food restaurant? "The one with jelly. 'Cause, remember? Where we go-ed with Aunt Laurie? That's the kind of restaurant I like." (I have no idea what she's talking about! I guess I have to ask Aunt Laurie.)
• Sit-down restaurant? "That's the one I was talking about, the one we go-ed to with Aunt Laurie and Uncle Jay." (Oh, Sweet Tomatoes is what she's talking about. She doesn't know what "fast food" means, though she has certainly eaten it before!
• Game? "Dora princess game!" (It's a Wii game. Don't get it. She might like it, but I hate it.)

How much do you think the following costs…

• New Car? "26" (Nope, no units.)
• House? "36" (Maybe we should work on units of measurement.)
• Milk? "Three dollars." (Okay, I feel better about the units thing now.)

Where would you go if you could go anywhere on vacation? "To the beach house or to the big city where we went to with Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Laurie and Uncle Jay."


What do you want to be when you grow up? "Remember, Mommy? Make movies! I want to be an actress."


If you could change your name, what would you change it to? "Lizzie Rose."


If you could have one superpower what would it be? "I don't know. The bubble one or a running fast one or the make storms one. Maybe...the bubble one to make big bubbles that get little when you touch them and it doesn't pop once you touch it."


If you could wish for anything and have it come true, what would your one wish be? "I wish I could get back in your belly and get small and then I fall out and then it will be my five birthday and we'll have a party." (Yes, her wishes are to return to the womb and to turn five. I don't know what to say about that.)


And, as a reprise of last year's questions (see her previous answers here!)...
My dad is 30 years old. (Yep! It's his birthday today.) 
He weighs 260 pounds.  (She ran to the scale to consult it. And he's put on a bit of weight if she's right!)
His hair is black like Mommy's, and his eyes are maybe the same as mine. 
He likes to relax by laying down and stopping doing stuff and maybe falling to sleep.
When my dad shops, he loves to buy all the things we don't have. 
His favorite TV show is Mommy and Daddy ones. (In other words, not cartoons.)
I make him happy when I love him. 
I really love it when he makes me happy. 

My mom is past Daddy years old. (Nope, still rocking my 20s for ten more months!)

She weighs 500 pounds. (Wow, I've put on some weight!)

Her hair is the same as Daddy's but not curly, and her eyes are the same as mine.

She likes to relax by falling asleep.

When my mom shops, she loves to buy peanut butter and jelly.

Her favorite TV show is Mommy and Daddy ones. (In other words, not cartoons.)

I make her happy by loving you. And I make you sad by being angry.

I really love it when she makes me happy.

I love her. :)